Dressing for Death: What to Wear to Stake a Vampire

Now that I have enlightened you, Dear Readers, to the Ease of Vampire Hunting, you will naturally be Interested in the Vital Question of What to Wear.

The Proper Dress for Vampire Hunting is Most Important. I, for one, would never consent to Hunt without wearing a Dress with a high neck of re-enforced Woven Silver — silver, of course, being the bane of all Evil Creatures. With such a pure metal around one’s neck, one will remove any possibility of an embarrassing Biting Incident.

For color, I would suggest Black. Vampires are nothing if not Traditional. (Naturally, if one is hunting in the Mysterious East, one’s dress would be White, as that is their traditional color of mourning.)

Some “Ladies” have taken to adding touches of Red to their ensemble, but we can all agree that such a Vulgar Display of color is hardly necessary. One should attract notice with the Elegance of her Van Helsing Downward Thrust, not with silly red ruffles and bows.

(Image of Van Helsing Downward Thrust to Come)

Vampires: The Simplest Game

Vampires.  These Unnaturals are often considered the Princes of the Monster World.  Indeed, unlike Werewolves or Zombies, these creatures possess Intelligence akin to our own which has led to their Reputation as a Dangerous Game to Pursue.

But my Precious Readers, let me tell you a Secret!  For a Young Girl on her First Hunt, a Vampire is the Easiest Prey of All!

On the night of her First Hunt, all a Young Lady must do is pretend she is new in town then stare soulfully into the Distance.  A Vampire will naturally be drawn to her.  He will believe that she is The One he has been waiting for for all Eternity and immediately fall in Love with her.  Once he is down on bended knee professing his feelings, the girl will be close enough to easily stake him through the Heart.

Then the Young Lady arrives at her debut with barely any Blood on her skirts, impressing all of the Young Gentlemen with her Dangerous and Fearsome Trophy, all the while knowing how very simple the Silly Thing was to Kill!

The New Essential

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Well, the Ball was not a total disaster. I’m pleased to report that while visiting my Dressmaker today, she shared with me that more than one lady has requested the hidden slit I include in all my dresses. Yes, my Dear Readers, your Lady H– has started a Fashion!

Personally, I recommend a sliver knife on one leg and a stake on the other.

The Dangers of a Dull Dress

There are many things to consider beside which Monster to Kill on a First Hunt and each is Essential as the next if one wishes to make an Impression at one’s Debut. 

The myriad of details to be planned for is likely to send a Girl and her Dear Mother into a frenzy, but rest assured, once the Monster is decided on, no Detail is more Paramount than the Dress.

Now, in these times, two dresses are often required.  One for the actual hunt and one for the reception after, as no one wants to dance away the night in blood-soaked petticoats.

As each Unnatural requires its own specific ensemble for hunting, today I shall address the second gown.

The Ball… Concluded

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Imagine the shock we felt when the Mad Beasts charged into the Ballroom!  To think Werewolves would have the effrontery to attack such an Illustrious Gathering!  Indeed, Lady A– remarked it finally proves their total lack of Breeding.

No one had any Long Range Weapons to hand as they rather clash with Evening Wear, but in mere seconds most of the Guests had produced Silver Knives and the occasional Small Pistol.

Yours Truly naturally had her knives drawn and was crouched in position before many of the other Ladies.

(I have specially commissioned hidden slits in my dress that allow me to reach through to the knives strapped to my body.  This way I do not have to ruin the line of a skirt with weaponry, yet I can defend myself with Great Alacrity.   I must recommend them as an essential to any Young Lady.)

A particularly ferocious Beast was bounding toward me.  I held the Trinity Stance and met the Yellow Eyes without a trace of Fear.  Moreover, I saw that Sir T– was engaged with an Unnatural nearby.  Indeed, I was in his eye-line.

If I felled this Creature with my Usual Grace, he was sure to see!  Think of what Connections would be afforded then!  Imagine humble Lady H– Hunting with the Highest in the Realm!

But before I could sink my dagger into the hairy Throat, I was thrown to one side!

The Ball… Continued

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Pardon my dears for the delay in my report of the Ball.  I know you breathlessly await my observations, but I found I had a slight headache yesterday and elected to rest in bed.

Now, once you make your Debut, you will often be invited to Balls and Parties, likely none so illustrious as last Thursday’s, but nevertheless, you will want to know how to shine amidst all the other Young Ladies struggling to make an impression.   Therefore, I present to you, My Evening at the Ball as a model for you to follow.

The Ball

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An Invitation Arrives

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Dears, I am back in Town!  The seaside is behind me and I embrace Society with open arms!  Already, my mornings have been full of happy reunions with Lady A–, Mrs. H–, and Miss R–!  And wouldn’t you know, an Invitation was waiting for me as soon as I arrived.

Yes, that’s right, yours truly has been invited to Sir Bay and Sir Thomas’ Ball to celebrate their 1000th Kill!  Sir Bay and Sir Thomas are, of course, the Legendary team of Hunters famous for innovating the Lupine Half-Roll so useful in bringing down Werewolves.  The Ball this Thursday promises to be Spectacular, with all the Luminaries of Society in attendance.   You may be sure I will give you a full report the morning after.

What to Wear to an Exorcism and other Pertinent Advice

Now while I would never recommend a Ghost for a First Hunt, Exorcism is a handy skill to have. For one, next time you are invited to a Country Weekend and your Companions are bothered by the resident Ghost, you may dispatch it to the Netherworld with minimal effort and still have everyone up in time for Breakfast.

Think how grateful your Hostess will be to not have her guests perturbed by a Spirit!  And she will surely mention your Skill to any Young Gentleman she knows!  (Though, what sort of Hostess is she to not rid her Home before her Friends arrive?  Surely none of my Readers would commit such a Crime!)

Ghosts: Deadly Dull

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Still trapped at the seaside.  I dispatched the Sea Monster early Christmas morning.  The fishermen were deeply grateful, of course.  I had hoped My Lord would be more appreciative of my kill but he barely noticed.  One would think he would be glad to know that the girl he married does not intend to let her skills grow rusty.

Too many Young Ladies today think that the only reason to hunt Monsters is to catch a Husband. Not so!  It is our Duty as well as the Men to keep our Country safe!

But my Lord and Master merely grunted when I told him of my exploits and turned back to his papers. Do I intimidate him with my skill?  ’Tis true, on Hunts I rarely saw him make a kill, but I believed he was being polite and allowing the Ladies the Glory. He certainly looks deadly enough and in Training, I rarely see him miss a shot.

But I apologize My Dears, I digress.  I don’t know why I say these things.  Of course, I am Blissfully Happy being Married. Undoubtably it is this dreary weather darkening my mood and lack of Society.  And of course the Ghost.